BFF code

if you don't understand that the worst possible thing you could be to me is a douchebag
and if you don't understand that why sometimes "hi" goes at the end of the conversation
and if you don't understand that the appropriate response to boo is eek
and if you don't love the toughies advert
and if you can't recite lines from 90s Zim adverts
and if you don't know who Uncle John or Sergeant Major is
and if you don't know how much we love Serena and Benjamin
and if you don't think that Sarah Jessica Parker... was Jesus' best friend
and that Sarah Jessica Parker is a he who is a douchebag
and that saying "Hello, Hello, Can you hear me" is deliriously entertaining
and if you don't understand if how Nonsense and effing Kwaito can be used to complete a full sentence
and if you don't know how Keri Hilson became our girlfriend
and if you don't chat and play skype games online at stupid o clock
and if you don't know that we're lovers not fighters
and if you can't speak about five different subjects all at the same time
and if you don't think that recruitment agents are unnecessarily over-nice and over-a.d.d
and if you don't concede defeat with the word "wha'ever" in a cockney accent
and if you don't practice northern/scouser accents with the words "your absolutely gorgeous"
and if you don't think that ex-girlfriends/ex-boyfriends should be run over
and if you don't realise that you're a qualified murderer because you watch Dexter
and if you haven't waited six month to watch the Hulk
and if you haven't had an argument about whether he says "Hulk-Smash" or "Hulk... Smash"
and if you don't want to punch peoples lips or have your lip punched
and if you don't want to go around saying "my lip is bleeding" once your lip has been punched
and if you don't like avo on bread with bacon and crisps and mayo (eating generally)
and if you are seriously contemplating "bone structure" as the basis of racial difference and divisions
and if you your "ankles" or "anklies" (which are possibly cankles) are always broken
and if you can't fix all serious medical ailments because you're practically a doctor because you watch House

well...


maybe you shouldn't be reading this?!