Christianity Cringe

CRINGE: I've just noticed. This reaction I have to Christianity:

Perhaps let me preface this with: I love God, I love my faith and relationship with Him and I consider myself Christian.

But I cringe when I meet a person, and the first thing they tell me is about God or how Christian they are, or how they go to church every... so ... (too) often... or how they're the church leader of this group or that service. They follow all the rules and they know all the hand signals. I just cringe.

I cringe when I see blogs or Christian writing on the internet, that CUM books store in the mall. They all proclaim Jesus loves you and if you'd just read a little further you'll see the power of his love, the healing of his spirit. This is not untrue.

These things are great things. They are special things. I think God has blessed these people with the talent of ministry and fellowship and they're off to spread the Good News to the world. But I find it all too invasive and my natural inclination is to then be evasive. I don't mind talking about God and my beliefs when it comes up, naturally, in the flow of conversation. But I dislike the clinging to rules, structure and interpretations of the church, the overly invasive name-drop "my God this... and God bless that... and I'm all so Christian". Where's the real relationship with God in all of this?

I don't want to wear a big Christian sign. I don't want to parade the streets proclaiming my faith. I don't want to lead a group in a church nor do I want to go to church because it's Sunday. I really don't think the church or the bible has any of the answers to the big life questions. I think that there are some things that we'll just never understand and are not meant to. Am I a bad Christian? I don't want to be judged.

What I want to do is this: I want to be the best person I can be day in and day out. I want to be kind, loving, trustworthy, forgiving and of sound mind. I want to remember to give thanks for what I have and pray for people who have less and more. I want to help people who really need it. I want to grow and learn with each day, and challenge myself to be better.

I want to light a candle at the end of the day for all the people I pray for - not because I'm Catholic - because I'm not, but simply because this is a beautiful, thoughtful ceremony for me, one that visualises my concerns and regrets.

When I go to church, I don't want to sit in the front, I don't want to be told where I should sit, that have to be open to a dictated form of fellowship - I want to sit where I like and just be in the community of praise, and concentrate on God.

When and if I read the bible, I want to pick and choose what I'll apply to my life and not be told that my interpretation is wrong. I want to be able to think that Sacred tree in the Garden of Eden, represented the act of sex. I want to ignore scriptures that say women shouldn't wear earrings or teach in the church. I want to promote Jesus' newer and only commandment: Love one another as I have loved you.

When I choose my friends, I don't want to care about their religious beliefs, only about their hearts and minds. How will I grow if I'm never challenged? And challenges come where difference lies, I want to embrace this without judgement or exclusion.

I'm aware of my many, many failings, I'll never be perfect and I cringe at Christianity. I cringe at everything that is excessive, showy, loud as I automatically think it's insincere. This is not always the case, but if you truly have something, truly believe something, truly are true about something - you really don't have to say it, promote it or prove that you mean it.

Like the cringe on my face, it will probably just show.