I'm a little bit irritated with how fickle I can be sometimes. Instead of dealing with the emotion, the betrayal, the hurt, the aggravation, I simply cut it out, and usually the person who caused the emotion too. On to the next person... until they disappoint me. Im so lucky people don't seem to treat me that way. I continue to hurt, provoke, disappoint, betray people (not willingly or not often consciously) and i'm still around. I shouldn't be. I thought I was a forgiving person, but only if forgiveness is asked of, and usually, most don't know or think there's anything to be sorry about. That's the one good thing about my sensitivity. I know when I've hurt someone, when I could have behaved better.
At the same time I've hit the max limit. No more new people allowed. No more no more. I just recycle my favourites with new favourites. I'm not open to anything coz I'm scared and I'm scared because of my pride? My pride won't let me be carefree and casual. I'm scared of the rejection. I still want to be a high school sweetheart, and I'm too old. i still want to be wiser and more intellectual, but i'm too new.
25/09/2008
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