Moon Month

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First quarter of the Moon…

The old wives tale is you always plant seedlings in the first quarter of the moon. Always. Just another affirmation of my big move – the timing is just right. I’m anxious about getting things done but it feels like I made the right decision.

So my first week in Johannesburg has been calm, intriguing, exciting and filled with anticipation. There is a looming sense of danger and criminal activity that no one seems to let me forget, which I do forget in moments where I’m soaking up the sun or lounging by an evening fire. Caution for everything. Egg-shell-walking while I am living with family friends, extra-sensitivity for friends I have not been with for a while, lioness prowling as I orientate myself in the city and with new South Africans. Life moves much slower, people stare and smile so much more, customer service is hilarious… and with this special mix of negative-positivity, I embrace my choice. I love it... I want this to work.

I got some freelance work with a casting agency, 4 days into my stay here – amazing. Reconnected with old friends, to find it was so easy to pick up just where we left off. On-off-long-distance-non-boyfriend-with-girlfriend… who is now within distance, wrote to say “I know you’re around” and texted Miss Apples for my number. I’m scared. I’d take bullets for him, and have agreed to be his friend, but I just really don’t want to ever see him again.

2^nd quarter of the Moon…

I’m going to say this once, and only once. I’m going to indulge once and only once. I’ve already said once and only once twice (or thrice) now, so let’s hope that’s the only thing I’ll repeat. I left London gasping for air, trying to escape the ugliness of my father’s increasingly prevalent, promiscuous and unplanned past. Determined NOT to be the girl with daddy issues - Joburg was a breath of fresh air for a moment. But sadly, my mistakes in seeing ex-on-off-long-distance-non-boyfriend-with-girlfriend has lead to my father’s mistakes… try wrap your head around this… ex-on-off-long-distance-non-boyfriend-with-girlfriend’s girlfriend is my half sister – my father’s daugher. Try wrap your head around this… ex-on-off-long-distance-non-boyfriend-with-girlfriend knew ALL the while and still pursued relationship with me. But most importantly, wrap your head around this… I’m absolutely fine.

Third Quarter

I was mostly worried about ex-on-off-long-distance-non-boyfriend-with-girlfriend’s girlfriend neglect, abandoned by my father – but she said she got gifts and money from him her whole life. That’s all I ever got from him too, so I guess we’re even. Then I was worried about my ability to deceive myself, thinking ex-on-off-long-distance-non-boyfriend was a good person, just a little complex, and I just needed to understand what he was thinking. I’m resolved: I don’t know what he was thinking. I don’t know that he knows what he was thinking. I can’t care anymore. Both ex-on-off-long-distance-non-boyfriend-with-girlfriend and girlfriend/half-sister are insane. There is an addiction to drama, complications and ugliness that they just can’t seem to escape and I want nothing to do with that.

Last Quarter

Signing off on the ex-on-off-long-distance-non-boyfriend break-up story… I’m fine, out of love with him, in love with myself, looking to new bright light ahead… The end. Roll Credits!