.... 6 months later....

Forgive me blog-diary, It's been 6 months since my last confession.

Everything, every feeling, every environment, every situation has changed. Probably for the better, but I'll get back to you in 6 months or so for confirmation of that.

New magical, crazy, exciting, invigorating, infuriating, compassionate, faithful, active, argumentative, clown-of-a-boyfriend has been ROCKing my world - rock as in my foundation and rock as in rock'n'roll. I am enjoying the long fall down to uncontrollable and unconditional love of him. He's a long, never-ending story... will start his folder/label shortly... watch this space for "march of the tum-tum."(Laughing at myself - trust me to start with the love-bits, in true piscean spirit).

On to the next one - You have to be really careful what you wish for. I had just about I now find myself - important, stupidly busy, whining about work all the time, in a job I was begging for and now find very difficult to negotiate on a day to day basis. My employers, I feel, play the blame game far too often, thrive on doing everything last minute, and handing it off to someone else to be responsible and accountable for, then take credit like Kings, if it all works out. Most times, because we work so hard, everything pulls together, even last minute. The hardest part is knowing that some of the loveliest people I've ever met, are miserable. We're all addicted and passionate about the brand, but are really battered wives in a very abusive situation.

It's funny. I think self-esteem lacking, stays lacking and develops into a self-loathing which then develops into a desire to punish oneself. If not in a relationship, then you find yourself mis-used in a business situation, thinking you deserve the punishment because you cash in on it, month end, or in my case, whenever management decides to let my pennies drop. I think all lessons are important, so I'm sticking this one out until I can't take any more, or until a new lesson comes along. Praying that's very soon.

I lost two of my bestests. One I couldn't recover from the pain of my disappointment in them - sounds so dramatic, but thats the honest truth. I couldn't recover. And the other, despite enjoying her company, she was too emotional draining and righteous. I couldn't escape feeling terrible after a conversation with her. I felt judged and belittled, and i think she know was doing it to. I love them both deeply, but I'll have just this year to myself I think.

Cue Celine Dion/Eric Carmen/ Jamie O Neal (Bridget Jones version) lyrics * "When I was young, I never needed anyone - and live was just a song, those days are gone.... Alllll byyyyy myself........ *

Well - I'm not quite sitting in my lounge, watching old love movies - crying every time at the point in "An Affair to Remember" where he realises she's .... wait, I don't want to spoil it - Director Leo McCarey, staring Cary Grant & Deborah Kerr (1957)...truly an affair to remember. My new friends are in the form of old friends. Friends I had lost and reconnected with, those are the best friendships - you pick up just where you left off.... can only seem to do that with boys though - debatable?!

All in all, not miserable, not love-sick, not pained to exist and now have lots of things to write about in wee blog.

Forgive me, my next confession to follow soon...