He remembered my day. He left the door open. But it wasn't good enough. Five words**, strung together, in a message. Not good enough. But what do I want him to do? Did anyone do any better? No. Everyone remembered, but strangely, minus the obvious exception vwge, my not-so-best friends were the ones to call, to make me feel special. Hmm?
My friends think I hate myself, punish myself with unavailable, distant, emotionally abusive, confused and confusing men. I don't... I just believe in chances... I believe people can come through in the end. Forever, eternal, happy, optimist. That's me in all my Piscean glory. I don't want to fix anyone. I want to be something someone would "fix up" for. But I shouldn't have to ask him to fix up, he should just naturally want to fix up, be the person I know I see in him, the person I know he likes to see reflected in my view of him. But I have asked him, more confirmation "he's just not the right one..." which is the book someone needs to write, because I have completely dismissed he's just not that into you.... *
New step in recovery - Coldplay is the opposite of everything they stand for. Maybe it's time I played cold. Emphasis on "play" because it is pretend. What I feel is love and all I want to do is give it to him.
** Just noticed the obsession with counting... counting words, days, hours... Need to count sheep instead, so that the hardest part of the day, bedtime, when there's nothing left to be done, and nothing left to keep your mind off of him... nothing to stop the heart swelling up in pain.... less crying time and more sleeping time. Sleep is beautiful... unless he drowns in your dreams too. He does.
* Note to self... explain to blog why I have dismissed He's just not that into you despite it's biblical qualities.
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